Wives have it easy.  The easy wife life.

They talk a good game, maybe they make themselves feel and look busy, but seriously.

Wake up around seven, see the kids off to school.  The rest of the day to enjoy.  Sitting, sipping pumpkin spiced lattes as they rest in a warm afternoon with friends and pedicures while their husband slaves away. 

The easy wife life…

Could it be any easier?  

For those gracious enough to still be reading, those that aren’t on their way over here to end my existence (Ashleigh), first, thanks for understanding the sarcasm.  Many miss it, but it seems that I enjoy it too much to stop even when Hillary points out it’s not that funny.  

Second, I will say, there is a subject when it comes to leadership and husbandry, that maybe our wives don’t really understand.  Just like I’m sure there are many aspects of the easy wife life (™) that we miss on a consistent basis.

And, let’s just be honest, wives do have it easy. (See what I did there?)  

To the men. And the wives that love them.  

The fate of your family will be looked at as either your ultimate success, or your utter failure.  And I’ve talked to enough men now to know that I don’t even need to point that out, except maybe to the wives. For us, it’s inherently understood, and it weighs, heavy at times.  

We’ve all been there.  When there’s a big decision, future failure and possible scarring of children at stake, the looks come.  What are you going to do, man?  What should we do, husband?  How are you going to handle YOUR kids, father?  Don’t jack this up.  Futures are on the line. 

The easy wife life…

Wives get to pass the buck. 

It’s on us to be the end game, the final word, the bad guy that the kids can hate for ruining their fun while mom stands behind us using all kinds of hand gestures so they know I made the call.  

“Don’t hate me, blame dad.”

Sarcasm?  You might think so, just a twist.  But not much.  It’s the way many men feel.  And it’s the way, like it or not, it has to be.  

But today, and for the rest of my life, the tables are about to be turned.  Maybe I’l even flip a few in my house just to make the point, like Christ.

It’s my turn.  How can I live the easy wife life? How can I pass the buck?

We already talked about the Captain taking over.  It’s something I’ve missed all these years.  The ability, like my wife at times, to look at someone else and simply ask, how do we move forward here?  It’s all you.

I’m not sure I’ve ever really experienced the peace of asking, truly expecting, and honestly experiencing the leadership from someone else taking over the stress, expectations, and weight of the results quite like the God of the universe.  

Though I do make Hillary plan the vacations.     

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

As I sit with that, roll it over in my head, try to comprehend it in my mind, I’ve become acutely aware as I watch the night sky fade to morning and the morning sky dazzle with light, the bounds between the reality that I know and what could be, or even what’s out there, are beginning to blur.  

And I realize there’s so much more.  To everything.  Life is about to get real.

“Check this out,” I said.  

She thought I was going to kill them.   Head on crash doing eighty as I took my hands off the wheel and the car was left to the will of God.   He’d drive it where He needed it.  Literally.  I believed that.  Hillary didn’t.

I’ve never quite seen my wife squirm the same way.  Passenger seat, looking at the road.  Looking at me contemplating the end of her life.  Her left hand started to head toward the wheel.  I pushed it away.  

“Nope.”  

My son laughed in the back as the curve approached.  

“Chad.”

“It’ll be fine.”  

I talked a big game, but as the semi truck approached, my hands went back toward the wheel.  Not touching it, but just there, close, waiting for the car to respond like I thought it would.  

I was ready.  My heart started to pound.  We were getting too close to those yellow lines.  Too close to the truck.  Just as my fingers started to touch it, just as I started to take control again, I felt it.  The wheel turned, slightly, following the line but just a touch closer than I liked.  So, I fully let go.  

My new (used) beauty with intelligent lane assist kept us safe and continued to turn the car as we went.  

I got flashy.  Hillary relaxed (kind of).  Hands on my legs, I let the thing drive itself.  It didn’t take long.  The car started to yell at me.  

Steering required!!!  It flashes orange on my screen.  What happens if I don’t, I wondered?  Well, apparently as you head into another curve it beeps loudly turning off driving assist.  And if you’re not paying attention the car goes off the side of the road surely killing everyone inside.   

Thankfully my hands were close. 

And as I put them back near the wheel, the car sensed I was paying attention again. It began to drive itself.  Kind of.  Until I let go, again.  Somehow, it needed me and I needed it in this strange dance down the beautiful stretch of country road.  STEERING REQUIRED!

Is that where God is?  Somewhere in that hairline space between my fingers and the steering wheel as the car takes over but before I can take my hands away?

Truth is, I don’t know.  But I’m excited to find out.  It’s like I see everything with new eyes.  

So I’ll wait until that next big request comes, or maybe the small ones as well. Head over to the coffee shop.  I’m getting a large pumpkin spice latte and sitting quietly in the corner with my back to the wall so I can see everyone and everything as cops tend to do (I can only trust God in small doses currently), and sip.  Sit in the slow and steady.  Wait. Rest.   

Easy wife life. (Learn how to get rid of the pressure in an instant, here) – If you haven’t already seen it, I promise it’s worth the minute video. Hillary and I’ve been here.

And for the men, the cops, and even the wives who are judging me because I like pumpkin spice lattes, at least I’m honest.  Remember, I’m not a fraud anymore.  Can you say the same? 

Maybe I just love fall.  And we all know pumpkin spice signals the changing of the season. The beauty in the vision of everything dying, slowly.  It looks like the end is near.  Then, when you least expect it, when you get most tired of the cold and death, life comes back with a fury.  

From now on, I’m giving it all over.  As my wife gives me the look, “what are you going to do dad, man, husband?”  I’ll give it to God.  

“I don’t know Lord.  No clue here.  I can play probabilities and logic but I’m not sure that’s the best anymore.  What are Your plans?  What’s ahead that I don’t see?  How would You benefit that I wouldn’t even consider?  I give up.”

I’m doing the same with this blog.  

I wanted to take control.  I had great ideas (I thought).  Fatherhood, marriage, faith, fitness, policing, fixing our lives one step at a time? What about a podcast where we talk about the masks people of faith (or not) wear in public, and let them reveal their honest side?  True and real conversation. Issues with life, faith, the church? Let others sit in the understanding that they’re not alone.

All I heard was, “No. This is all about the struggles, in faith and life, and becoming comfortable. Comfortable in giving up. To the slow. To the purposeful. To Me. I’ll lead it. It’s about letting go.”  

He told me to enjoy the easy wife life. I don’t feel like a Christian Fraud anymore.

I feel Him moving that wheel beneath my hands as I type.  And yet, I’m the one typing.  

My latte tastes wonderful.  The leaves on the trees are changing.  Thank-you I can breathe in this air even if Covid killed my sense of smell forever. Thank-you for the beauty.  Thank-you for leading.  I can give the stress, anxiety, probabilities, and outcomes all over to You.  Room to breath.

Thank-you that I can feel comfortable, in giving up.

And a GIANT GIANT thank-you to everyone that helped kick this off after reading the book by sharing their personal struggles in life and faith with the world. Paula, Paul, Adam, Leah, Burke, Jason, D., Shane, Jim, Karin, and Alyssa. And if you’d like to share your story, no matter where you’re at in your journey, hit me up here. Tiffany is up next. Turns out marriage and faith aren’t so easy as we can all make it seem on Sunday.

This should be interesting as I blog for God first, with no real idea what that means.  I’d love it if you came along as He reveals it. I’m sure it’ll move more slowly than I’d like, but whatever it is, it will be exactly on time.    

Give up your life, your expectations, your control.   

Because there’s some strange line, where God needs, or wants us to be in control right in step with Him, as long as our will is (almost?) meshed with His.  

“Follow Me, first.  Then go, out into the world.  I’ll lead, from the inside. But, whatever you do,   

Don’t move your hands too far from that wheel.”

Your steering is required…

Cheers

C 

Get on the email list here. What are you struggling with as you explore faith and life? Let me know. I’d love to talk with you and even to write about it if you’re willing. You can reach me at Chad.campese@gmail.com, or connect with me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and yes, even Tik Tok.

My special thanks to Leah Rose for setting all those up for me and trying to explain how they all work. Maybe we’ll get it right! She’s trying her best to direct me...

Written by: Chad Campese

Chad Campese is a father, husband, police officer, blogger, and author of the book Confession of a Christian Fraud.  He holds a BA in Christian Counseling and psychology, is heavily involved in peer support and recovery when it comes to first responders, and is an expert in living his life and faith as a fraud. These days he simply relies on the leading of the Spirit as he tries to slowly and purposefully take life one day at a time.