There’s a Fraud Among You…   

Bad. Long pause, deep sigh, “bad” was the only way she could describe it.  Bad. Bad. Bad. 

She repeated it over and over.  Even though she thought she’d done the right thing.  She knew her kids needed her, so she put both the bottle and the shame that it brought, away.  It took more from her than it ever gave.  She thought that was the end. It had to get better.  Yet, here she was, sipping coffee in the kitchen, stone cold sober. Quiet shock.  Lonely, with more money than she’d ever need, she tried to ignore the slight shake in her hand as she brought the cup to her lips, no idea how to even process what she’d just found out.  

Service, every Sunday.  Still, God had forgotten her, even though she’d done what she’d thought she was supposed to do to make Him happy.  To keep herself blessed.  To stay on track for heaven.  Was it over?  Her husband would be home soon.  Life was about to change, drastically.  

As she set her coffee down, the phone began to ring.  It was time to be honest. Her friend must have already found out.  She picked it up, ready to let the pain flow.  But maybe we shouldn’t start there…

Middle child, mom and dad still married after all these years.  But of course, there’s always more to everyone’s story, and her parents were no exception.  Faith, it’s complicated.  There’d been trips to church together as a family.  Then, mom just started dropping off the kids. Picked them up when service was over.  God, faith, she never had conversations with her family.  She just knew she never wanted God to forget her.  He was someone she needed to appease, something she needed to make happy, all so she could get to heaven.   Though, if she were honest, she wasn’t sure what that really was, or meant. 

Looking back now, she knows.  He called her at a young age.  Now, her years more than halfway to life’s end, they finally allow her to see it.   She was “saved” with her high school friends M and D in 9th grade.  It was God saying, “don’t go down this road,   I’ve got better things for you.”  Though she ignored it.  She had her entire life in front of her.  M and D helped her find Jesus.   Then they all helped each other drink and party for years to come.    

Stereotypical high school cheerleader, her lifestyle was fast. Drinking.  Partying.  Flunking out of college.  Still living at home because she didn’t have a degree and had no clue where life would take her or what she wanted to do. But she still went to church on Sundays, just so God wouldn’t forget her. Even gave some church boys a chance, but those guys seemed boring, and lame.  

Slow down.  She felt the call to settle, focus on the more important things after she met her husband at work, almost thirty.  They had two kids, he had a great job, though he was gone a lot.  They moved often. A family of rolling stones.  And they were all about to roll right off a mountain.  

Smiling in church, they were picture perfect.  Home was different.  Fighting, not talking, screaming matches in front of the kids.  There were days she found herself drinking so much that occasionally she couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. Then, she found the phone records.  He was out of town again, like he had been so much and so often.  This fairy tale had turned into a nightmare.  He’d be home the next day.  They’d already had it out over the phone.  She wasn’t looking forward to it.  Sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly out the window, the phone rang.  She hadn’t talked to Amber in weeks, but for some reason, today, she called.  So she let the pain flow. The mask was ripped off like a bandage.  It all came out. Then, he came home.  Screaming, fighting, the kids were scared.  Silence. Deafening silence.  How would it turn out? 

But it’s in the silence that God speaks.  After we rid ourselves of the pointless noise, the draining busyness, and everything we’re told by the world makes life fun and exciting.  After we embrace the true questions.  The deep questions. The meaning of it all.  After we let Him break through with a whisper, in the quiet, as He asks, “are you ready?   For more?  For deeper?  For….. LIFE?”   

It’s then you fall to your knees.  It’s then you empty your soul.  It’s then you cleanse yourself of yourself, and let something else fill you entirely.  Spirit, life, direction as you count the cost.  As the  hand reaches out.  As He says, “let’s go.  No, I haven’t forgotten you.  In fact I’ve been trying to get your attention for awhile now.  Are you ready?   No looking back.”

It’s then she said “yes.” 

She fell to her knees. She prayed.   She gave it up, got it out, and gave it away.  What she was, who she was, what she used to be, the shame she held for so many years.  

Freedom.   Peace.  Salvation.   She was finally and literally saved.   No, not Sunday church service saved. Not a prayer and a verse and polite clapping.  She wasn’t just reciting some words to get to heaven.  She wasn’t caught up in a song or a feeling or doing anything because she thought it was what she was supposed to do. She had been pursued, broken, and then approached.  Christ broke through. Now He insisted, “follow me.”  She was picked up as she poured her soul out to a savior who knew what was best for her since the beginning. 

The hunger was instant. She was driven from the inside. From a new desire.  She dove into the Bible, she was diligent with prayer.  She sought out community. She credits the people at Willowdale chapel in PA  with being an honest group that was pure life for her and her husband.  People shared, were open about their struggles and difficulties, the realities of life and faith and marriage.  No masks, no fakes, no frauds.  Raw, real, honest and true.  They helped save her marriage and her life.  That’s what true community looks like.  

She connected to others and the heart of God by taking off her mask.  And not because she was forcing it or because it was expected or required.  She was driven.   From the inside.  A hunger to know, to be known, by the one who has pursued since the beginning, until she was finally ready to submit.   To quality leadership.  To a loving leader.   To Someone who always wanted the best for her.  

She doesn’t pull punches.  She still struggles.  It’s only been recently that she’s learning to trust again.  She knows the heart of God is working, healing, moving through her.  And even though she still has questions, she knows the Spirit is inside literally leading, convicting, and that knowledge answers everything she really needs to know.

So today, she’s taking off the mask. Not that she’s worn it much recently.  She’s sitting down with us at the table. Free, renewed, known and wanting to know.  Occasionally, she tries to put the fraud back on, but at this point her life, her community, the guide flowing from the inside out, it all helps to keep her honest and focused on what truly matters.  The leadership of the Spirit. Everything else flows naturally from that.  And she’s hoping that her story, one day, can help someone else if they’re ever in a similar spot.  

Yes, Fraud community, there was a fraud among you, and her name is Paula J.  But she is fraud no longer.  And she gives all the credit to The One who has pursued, patiently waited, and has finally, and thankfully, taken over…

Psalm 147:3 He heals up the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Written by: Chad Campese 

Chad Campese is a father, husband, police officer, blogger, and author of the book Confession of a Christian Fraud.  He holds a BA in Christian Counseling and psychology and is an expert in living life and faith as a fraud. These days he simply relies on the leading of Christ as he tries to slowly and purposefully take life one day at a time.